… I have been slimming non-stop and his face fell when I removed my clothes. He complained, When I first met you, you were nice and chubby and now you’re thin as a rail.
This is my reward now that my thighs no longer stick together in the heat, and pop when I part my legs.
21 JULI 1938
At lunch I sat silently across from him. There were eight of us at lunch. He ranted the whole time about Herr Chamberlain: If that silly old man comes interfering here again with his umbrella, I’ll kick him downstairs.
Then he forgot about Chamberlain. He turned his eyes on me once more. Women are always saying they want to be attractive to their men, but then they go and do the very opposite.
He ate potatoes baked in the oven with raw linseed oil poured over. He offered me a portion, but I turned up my nose at anything that had been “tainted” with raw linseed oil. My feelings were “hurt.”
I ate thin slices of roast meat that had been squeezed to get rid of grease, then washed thoroughly so no trace of salt was left. Seeing the meat, he began his familiar harangue to the carnivores, gleefully describing the workings of a slaughterhouse, how live pigs are ground into sausage. He described young girls in rubber boots who work standing in blood up to their ankles.
I must laugh.
As usual, one of us “carnivores” had to leave the table.
He pointed at the departing, pale-faced guest, That couldn’t happen to me. I can watch someone pulling up a beet root, collecting eggs.
I pushed my plate away at that point.
How cowardly people are, he remarked, They can’t face doing certain horrible things themselves, can’t even bear to watch them being done, but they enjoy the benefits without a single pang of conscience.
I could. I thought.
19 AUGUST 1938
I have not seen him for a month. I bought a new musk coat.
So many women I see are pregnant these days, their clothes are dowdy and shapeless. Since make-up is frowned upon, their faces are lackluster too.
I’ve bought ten lottery tickets. Nieten. Nieten to them all.
Not one bowling partner to be found. I refuse to bowl alone!
29 AUGUST 1938
I cannot bear any longer to wait night after night so Mutti and I have decided to make a voyage together in a ship called the “Milwaukee” to the North Cape.
Much to do. Much to buy.
2 SEPTEMBER 1938
Mutti was immediately seasick. My cabin, small, but fruit and wine were waiting in a basket, which I sampled and quickly rang for more. The evening meal on the ship – Schnüsch aal Grün.
I wore my new musk evening coat. its very soft, very fluffy, has wide sleeves and a little train. It bucks me up.
3 SEPTEMBER 1938
available as a book and as a kindle on