attachment-1-gif-28Only one of the many tomato plants growing all summer in my little garden-patch has ripened – the rest remain green. Granted the unripened are beautiful, photogenic shades of lime-green, grape-green, Moldovan-green, but green is not red is not ripe. Whose failure is it: Mother Nature? The sun or lack of? Could it be that a my tomato plants were strangled by morning glory trailers twisting around their vines having jumped from the iron fence dividing my patch from the Greek Church to the south? Is the failure simply me – one of many failures in my longish life?


(1) Contact lenses

(2) Marriage

(3) Bed making

(4) Fitted sheet folding

(5) Analytic geometry

(6) Fasting

(7) Perfect spelling

(8) Chess

(9) Foreign languages

(10) Sushi

(11) Flossing

(12) Sailing

(13) Tennis

(14) Diving off of a high board

(15) Changing the world for the better

(16) Remembering to bring an umbrella

(17) Kayaking

Why or how I’ve failed?

(1) I could not stop rubbing my eyes

(2) No help from fate

(3) I’ve tried but the bed never looks as if an adult had a hand it it

(4) If my life depended on it – I still couldn’t properly fold a fitted sheet

(5) To this day I still dream that I’ve forgotten to take the final exam

(6) Deprivation is not a strong suit

(7) Almost any way I spell a word it seems correct and incorrect at once

(8) Am a pawn grabber

(9) Impossible once alcohol and drugs had induced brain damage – alas

(10) As sophisticated as I think I am, I’m really not sophisticated at all

(11) I mean to but sometimes days go by – am better with the proxy brush

(12) Too much ducking

(13) Too old and myopic when I first tried

(14) Would climb up but just couldn’t make myself dive head first

(15) Didn’t know where to begin – still don’t except to pick up litter like wooden ice cream sticks for luck – touch wood

(16) Essentially, I like being rained on

(17) I’m loyal to the canoe unto death




I have been advised to a) gather green tomatoes b) add a lemon c) find a paper bag d) insert all into said paper bag d) put in dark place. [See evidence of steps a, b and c below]  Will report results.

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